My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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