I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
