We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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