And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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