from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
