we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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