i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
