I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
