my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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