He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I believe in your delicious
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
