Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
