Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
