He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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