it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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