it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
