Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You were trust falling into bushes
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
