I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
