Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I would fuck him just for his dog
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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