What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
