I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
