so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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