i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
