I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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