I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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