i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
