My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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