it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
