It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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