You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
