You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
