I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
