and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
