What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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