apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
