I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
