At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
high people should be assigned attendants
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
