everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
