I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
