a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
