your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
