I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
