I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
