i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
