You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
