you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
