Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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