Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
