PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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