You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
