Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
