Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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