I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
